Jābir ibn ‘Abdullāh reported: We were with the Messenger of Allah (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) on an expedition. As we headed back, I urged my camel to move quickly as it was slow. A rider caught up with me from behind and he goaded my camel with an iron-tipped stick which he had with him. My camel moved forward like the best camel you have ever seen. I turned around and found him to be the Messenger of Allah (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him). He said: "What makes you in a hurry, O Jābir?" I said: "O Messenger of Allah, I am newly wedded." He said: "Have you married a virgin or a previously married woman?" He said: I said: "A previously married woman." He said: "Why not a young girl so that you could play with her and she could play with you?" He said: Then, when we reached Madīnah and were about to enter, He said: "Wait so that we may enter by night - i.e., in the evening - in order for the one of unkempt hair to comb her hair and the one whose husband has been absent to shave her pubic hair." He said: And he said: "When you enter, then Al-Kays, Al-Kays (copulation; or discernment).".
Commentary :
Marriage is part of Fitrah (natural disposition) and one of the immutable laws of Allah in this world, and it serves many Shar‘i interests. Our pure Shariah devoted attention to this Fitrah and urged and encouraged it. It directed us to the right way of choosing and the means for preserving this sublime blessing, through good manners and an amicable relationship between a man and his wife.
In this Hadīth, Jābir ibn ‘Abdullāh (may Allah be pleased with him) informs that they were with the Messenger of Allah (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) on an expedition outside Madīnah. It is said: This happened during the Conquest of Makkah, as they were returning from Makkah to Madīnah. On their way back to Madīnah, Jābir (may Allah be pleased with him) was in a hurry and quickened the pace of driving his camel, which was slow. Someone caught up with him from behind and goaded his camel, i.e., he struck it at the rear to hasten its pace, "with an iron-tipped stick which he had with him." That is a stick that resembles a spear. The camel hastened its pace and moved vigorously "like the best camels you have ever seen" i.e., like the best and fastest camels you ever see. Jābir turned his head around to see who goaded his camel and hastened its pace and found him to be the Messenger of Allah (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him). The Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) asked him about the reason for his being in haste and quickening his pace. In reply to the Messenger of Allah (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him), he said that he was "newly wedded" i.e., he got married a short while ago. So, the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) asked him whether he had married a virgin, who did not marry before, or a previously married woman. Jābir (may Allah be pleased with him) informed him that he married a previously married woman, not a virgin. Thereupon, the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) said to him: "Why not a young girl"; this means a virgin. The Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) was encouraging him to marry virgins. "so that you could play with her and she could play with you?" i.e., you have fun with her, and she has fun with you, and you fondle her, and she fondles you. Indeed, a previously married woman may feel attached to her former husband, unlike a young girl who did not marry before; her heart usually gets attached to her first husband. So, she actively cares about him and seeks to make him happy - in addition to other traits for which virgins are known and by which they surpass previously married women. In the Two Sahīh Collections: I said: "O Messenger of Allah, my father died - or he was martyred - and I have small sisters. So, I disliked that I should marry someone like them and she would not be able to discipline them and look after them. Therefore, I have married a previously married woman so that she would be able to look after them and discipline them." The version by Muslim has this addition: "May Allah bless you; or he said something good to me."
Then, Jābir (may Allah be pleased with him) informed that when they returned to Madīnah, they hastened to enter and go to their families. Thereupon, the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) said: "Wait" i.e., be patient and wait, and do not go to your families, "so that we may enter by night, i.e., in the evening" i.e., after the ‘Ishā’ prayer. He clarified the reason for the delay, saying: "in order for the one of unkempt hair to comb her hair" i.e., to prune and beautify the hair of her head. "the one of unkempt hair" is one whose hair became untidy and ugly in appearance. "and the one whose husband has been absent to shave her pubic hair"; using the razor blade to remove the pubic hair. "and the one whose husband has been absent" is called Al-Mughībah in Arabic. The intended meaning is that the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) prevented them from hastening to go to their families and commanded them to wait till the night, so as to give their women an opportunity to get prepared for them, tidy their appearances and hair, beautify themselves, and be ready to receive them. Then, the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) advised Jābir (may Allah be pleased with him), saying: "When you enter" i.e., when you go to your wife; "then Al-Kays, Al-Kays." It is said: It means copulation. So, he seemed to have encouraged him to engage in copulation. And it is said: Rather, he meant something more specific than that, namely the child. So, he seemed to have encouraged him to have a child. It is also said: It refers to reason and forbearance. So, it is as if he was saying to him: Be rational and forbearing when you go to your wife and be considerate of her condition in terms of purity and menstruation.
The Hadīth highlights the Prophet's amicable relationship with his Companions and that he was interested in their affairs and used to check on them.
It points out the merit of marrying a virgin.
It also shows the merit of Jābir (may Allah be pleased with him), as he went out for Jihad while he had been newly wedded.
The Hadīth demonstrates some of the etiquettes to be observed by one who returns from battle and travel..